See What You Missed (A Visit to My Grandmother's House)

Liz,  I thought you might like to see, in pictures, what you missed.  Let's start here:

This piece is entitled Still-life with Dog Bone.

The best deviled eggs in the world.  Except, where had the light sprinkling of paprika gone? 

Chicken salad.  Three jars.  Sandwiches made, per instruction, Sunday morning.  All tossed in trash can at the Get-It-N-Geaux in Shreveport.

Pictures of children hung in guest bedroom, back of house.

Double barrier.  Sometimes you have to beef up security.

Astroturf, in the living room, thank you very much.  Wearing thin in places.

The Blue room comforter.

I present to you my nemesis. This instrument of torture leaves me riddled with pain after every encounter.  It says, "Sleep?  No, you won't be having any of that.  Just tossing and turning on this piece of plywood you like to call a mattress.  Well, perhaps I'll let you sleep just long enough to pull every muscle in your neck so that you can remember me every time you slightly move your head during your 6 hour ride home."  And let us dissect the word comforter.  Comfort-er.  Not so, on this bitch.  Imagine covering yourself with a piece of burlap.  Basically Mimi could have gone to the local hardware store and purchased plywood and burlap, grabbed some stones to use as pillows, spent much less money and created the same sleep experience.  Its hideousness is completely overshadowed by the pain it inflicts.  I call her the Orange Devil.  Behold..

About .00000001% of the plastic bags Mimi owns.  Considering this quantity it seems strange that she washes out used ones, allows them to dry and then reuses them. 

Like Willy Wanka you can lick the lemons and they taste like lemons.  Lick the grapes and they taste like grapes.

Uncle Billy, if Mimi hadn't been at your bday dinner I would have peeled this off the back of the bathroom door and presented it to you.

The following collar and leash pictures were taken at the same time.  Leashes were not moved around to different locations to make them appear more plentiful.  This is an accurate depiction of their true quantity.  It seems important to mention that mimi now owns one dog.

Have we ever discussed the irony of the message on this cross stitch?

What to say about the following pictures?  I assume many of these Scotties were gifts from Mom and Nancy.
In the main part of the house there a almost no pictures of humans, family included.  The Scottie is represented in many mediums and forms however....

Note the rear of the white, soap chicken.  On the same dish was a small, white soap egg. I didn't get a picture of it because I didn't want it to overshadow the Scottie soap.  It was his turn to shine.  Next trip I plan on bathing with the white, soap egg until it is mostly gone.  Then I will put it back on the dish before we leave.  Only in wildest dreams would that happen! 

Remember when Julie Andrews made clothes out of these drapes for all the Van Trapp kids before the Nazi's took over.  Much like the Jews we have hid in this bedroom with smuggled in Netflix, watching them in the dark of the late afternoon on laptops hoping Heinrich Himmler wouldn't find us and send us all to the den for Lawrence Welk.

A little known fact about Louisiana, 99.9999% of all Bud Ice cans produced in North America end up on the side of the road in the state of Louisiana. My dad being an aluminumcanologist, licensed and bonded in the state of Texas found it almost impossible not to pick these up to take back to Dallas to turn in to make the big bucks.  I think my dad left his heart on the side of the road throughout Louisiana.  Dad had not been to Newellton in eight years.  He provided a fresh pair of eyes and came up with the ingenious evolution of the word McDuff (Mimi's first Scottie dog) to McLetsgetthefuckoutofhere.